my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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