He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
