I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
