He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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