Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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