I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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