see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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