...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
