By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
