Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
