I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
