So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
