and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
