come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
