never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
