That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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