I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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