I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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