Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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