I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
