508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
