I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
