The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
