We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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