She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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