i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
