He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
