No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
