just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
