Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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