You're my little dorito
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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