Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize