It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
