I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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