There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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