one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
