if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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