that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
