I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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