im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you didnt know i had herpes?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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