Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
