Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
