why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
