So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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