Someone shit on the floor
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
