i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Alive.
So much puke
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
