I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
