Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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