I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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