Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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