Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
