Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
