So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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