you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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