the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
