I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
