just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
