somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
