i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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