im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
