Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She told me I should be a condom model.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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