you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
