Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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