my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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