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porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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