some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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