I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
