In the future we'll all be gay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
