Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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